To Run or Not To Run

So yesterday I mentioned that I may not run the half I’m signed up for on Sunday, which will definitely be a hard decision. On one hand I paid $50, “trained,” and made a big to-do about getting down to the Cape for Sunday. One the other hand there is 13.1 miles of cold and rain. Big decisions.

As most you know (If you don’t check out this) Sarsh and I ran a marathon in a Nor’easter in October - 40mph winds, heavy rain and sleet – yea we are lucky to have all of our toes. So in that aspect I should be able to do this. But the thing that makes me feel like I should do it is a little more than that. (And again sorry for making this blog so serious – the crack will return I promise.)
But the reason I feel like I should run, is because I need it. I need it really badly.

The thing that is so great about running is that it can change you, in a way you will never imagine. Sure you will get in better shape, have more endurance, stronger leg muscles and may drop a pound or two. But if that is all you get from running, then I am sorry, but you are missing out.

Running teaches you something about you. They say running is 90% mental, but I disagree, running is 90% self esteem. It shows you that you are capable of just about anything, that you can put your mind towards a goal and accomplish it. I am by no means a “serious” runner. My marathon time was embarrassingly over 5 hrs, my fastest mile is a little over 8. I am never going to win a race, but lord help me I will finish it. No matter what it takes, or what it does to my body, I will finish it. My first race landed me in the hospital, my second race left me wind burned and permanently cold for at least a week. And my third race…who knows? But the point is, I feel like there has to be a third race, I need to see it to the end to believe in myself again.

The training for this race has been really lazy. I’ve skipped runs, shortened runs and haven’t really paid attention to my training. I’m too poor to buy new running sneakers, so I’m getting by with dr. scholls inserts in my very worn out, but beloved, Asics. I’ve done most of my training inside. And the “treadmill running” and treadmill running have really attacked my spirit.

Mostly I stopped caring. I’ve become complacent. I really just don’t give a damn. And that’s the problem. It’s the drive to the finish that makes us stronger, it’s that feeling inside that you will give anything to finish, anything to accomplish your goal. “Go Big or Go Home” pretty much covers it. But I’ve seem to have lost that fight.

So I guess this race is my shot to regain my “edge.” To get rid of my mopeyness and regain that self confident runner (and person) I once was. Because regardless of the rain, the snow, the physical and mental stress, it’s finishing that gets you going. That proves to you that you can do anything, the sky is the limit. You are capable of anything you set your mind to. And that thought is sooo powerful, it changes people, circumstances and situations. It does just about everything.
I remember when we ran the marathon at the ½ way point the photographer yelled “you are doing something 90% of the world can only dream about.” sweet , adorable, but inaccurate.

1.It’s a made up statistic – I know this bc 94% of his statistics are made up (as was that one I just threw out)
2.Anyone can finish a marathon – Anyone. As long as they believe that they can.

Now don’t get me wrong it takes a lot of hard work, but anyone can finish, whether they walk, run, skip, or crawl, whether they finish in under 3 or over 6, it can be done if you believe it can.

So I guess after all this I pretty much have to run on Sunday, wish me luck and I’ll let you know how it goes. And hopefully I’ll be back with a whole new perspective. Worst case scenario, I will blog from my hospital bed as I dictate to the photographer on his Droid.